Identity

We get so wrapped in the things we do, that we miss out on who we are or temporarily lose sight of that. I know I do and sometimes it gets so far away from us that it is so time consuming and frustrating to figure out again that we avoid it and throw ourselves into things that don't matter. It leaves us feeling empty-  incredibly empty. I've always struggled with knowing my identity- my walk with Christ is different that most- everyone's is, but it still doesn't mean that I don't get caught up in comparing my walk with others. I don't have a story that is trans-formative in a moment- my story has happened over time, as Jesus intended, as He knows my spirit responds to.

The thing about it is - is that I don't always know my place because I don't experience God like others do and that consequently makes me feel that I don't know Him. The thing about God is though that He knows how my mind works- how my spirit responds to Him best. It can't be overwhelmed, it just has to be nudged. I would love to say that I want to be like Jesus all day, every day, but the truth is I really don't always want to avoid being involved in a conversation about things that frustrate me and express my frustration or gossip about the latest thing. I would love to say that I am good at forgiving people and willingly do so, I would even love to say that I love to go to church all the time, but the reality is that I don't. I sometimes feel that I am in a stalemate with God- not wanting to change, not letting him change me. I am a curmudgeon a fair amount of the time about life, despite my own redemption and salvation.

The thing about God that is cool though is that He waits. He waits anyways- in our grip ridden, curmudgeon-y states. He sends us gentle reminders of who we really are that get lost in the world that we stay in here on earth. When our eyes are fixed on here (and let's face it- it's mostly fixed on here), we lose our identity. Who we are becomes what we do or what we are to others, but that's not who we are. How humbling that in Psalms it says that our names are engraved on His hands... engraved? Not just sketched or written, but engraved for all eternity. Permanent. Done. Psalms also says that we are knitted together in our mother's womb- not just thrown together, lumped together, but carefully planned and intricately knitted- that takes time- that takes purpose- that takes love. So every day, when we get caught up in our to do lists, chores, jobs, roles- let us remember this. God loves us and has shown us so- even if you don't feel it or see it. He does. That gives peace. That gives life. That gives hope. That gives us a future. That's enough. That's enough on the most curmudgeon-y of days. Despite all of the things that hold me back, I am finally realizing that it's okay to be my beautiful, redeemed, imperfect curmudgeoned self.

Thanks for listening- thanks for reading- thanks for being who God made you- it's beautifully perfect, even when it doesn't feel that way.

Love you all!