Whew... it's been a whirlwind of weddings, meetings, and work the last SEVERAL weeks that I have been seriously slacking on sharing my heart with you guys. You can go ahead and call me a slacker- I'm okay with it. :)
God's been doing a lot of amazing things that I wish I could have a million pages to share with you because even that would not be enough to show the way He's been working center stage and behind the scenes. But in true fashion, God has His perfect timing, I'm not where I want to be yet, but I can definitely see things playing out in way that I had never expected.
Recently, I've been praying a lot about surrendering and asking God to give me all of Him. I've been telling Him I want more of Him, to know more deeply how He loves me, how special I am to Him, to bring me the challenging stuff, I just want more. Sometimes I feel that we all feel like that we move closer to God then backwards a bit, it's perfectly natural. There's no shame in that, however, sometimes we get to a point where we know that we want more.
For me it's been about not just wanting more of Him, but wanting less of me. To have His truths so deeply planted in my heart that I could hear and know who He is and what He says about me and what He has done for me.
Last night, I was at Bible Study and we were discussing surrender. One of the questions was, how much do we trust God and have we surrendered ourselves to the story He is writing for us. I really thought I had surrendered myself to the life God was writing for me, about the fact that my story was going to look and be different than what 'normal' was. You know, marriage, family, etc. on a certain time table... but I got really emotional about it. I don't know where it came from, but there I was, crying my ugly cry in front of my sweet small group girls. I really have been content with the way my life is for quite some time, but God was calling something much deeper out of me that I realized I hadn't surrendered. That my sweet spirit was still quite hurt and sad and sort of in mourning for a life that I had planned, but I hadn't let myself be any of those things.
Then in a way I have never really experienced before, God spoke to my spirit about those feelings. In my car, on my way to a job that I was praying to make glorious from mundane, my spirit heard,
You are too special to live an 'ordinary' life
and in nearly the same breath,
You don't have to be enough because I am enough
I've always wanted to just be a part of things, not the center of them, but those words spoken so deeply into my heart took such root and gave me such peace about the life I have and that God is writing. I'm not kidding you when I say that I have rarely felt a truth drop into my heart so strongly as I did in that moment (besides when Jesus' Truth dropped into my heart) and believed it so fully. I truly believe that it was because I was willing and open to hear it, surrendering takes all of you and it has to be something you do daily. I am not the best at it, I still am selfish and learning the value of it.
It is my prayer that you know MORE about the Living God... that if you don't know Him, that you will, when your heart is open and ready to receive it.
No comments:
Post a Comment