Reflection- Fourth of July Ponderings and Wonderings

So, I kind of left you in a lurch last time I wrote and I apologize. There was too much to unpack in one blog post and I was still processing it all myself. I'll get to that in a bit, but I want to get to the title of my Fourth of July post.

If I am being honest, I sometimes struggle with having an undivided heart. You see, something that was greatly instilled in me as a child, in addition to following Jesus, was having a deep sense of Patriotism.  Both of my grandfathers were integral parts of this sense of Patriotism as they served our country so bravely and nearly sacrificially because they believe in something better and that was freedom that the USA poured into them. They pursued careers and worked hard their entire existence. Today, I see so much of that forgotten and to be real it infuriates me. My mind has always been black and white when it comes to these ideas. But, I digress, you might wonder what that has to do with having an undivided heart and rightly so. So here's my point- I viewed my passion for Christ and for my Country in separate boxes. I was often divided about what Christ says and what my deep seeded Patriotism tells me is so. 
Now before you go crazy, let me say that I know Christ wins and that's where my focus should be, however I've come to concede a different view. 

I live under the flag of Christ and under the flag of Christ there are many nations. God places passions and pursuits within us and they are not wrong- as long as your eyes and heart are not on them as your guide. If these ideas are held under the umbrella/flag of Christ as part of who you are, they are not wrong. Your heart belonging to Christ, can have different views and if they are not under the law of Christ- Christ will change them. If I am also being honest, I have been working on surrendering all things to this and accepting some things as part of who I am and that they are beautiful to Christ because I am accepting who I am in Him. Then I heard a song, a beautiful song called Undivided by Hannah Kerr, that reminded me where my focus should always be:


"I wont stand here before you and lift my hands in vain 
when I worship 
my heart wont sing any other name 
you're my focus 
my anchor 
the anthem of my soul 
I'm undivided 
I'm undivided"

God dropped this into my heart and wow, I was reminded of what truly is important- surrendering all the things we don't understand and all the the things that God creates in us and allows us to be opens us up to true freedom. Freedom-  after all that's what we all seek in our hearts- the freedom of knowing we belong to a nation, a King much Greater. I for one am grateful that we live in a country where we are freely allowed to celebrate these truths. That, my friends, is a blessing that only God can provide. Oh, how He loves us!! Happy Fourth of July and God Bless!

Summer Dreams, Schemes, and Schedules

Most people outside the education world, find themselves jealously coveting a summer schedule such as ones that a teacher has- thinking it is free from work and full of play. Funny thing is while there is time for play and I don't have to get up at the crack of dawn for work, there is plenty of work to be done. Things that I relegate for the summer thinking that I will have plenty of time to do it, but often it's too long to even attempt to finish. Right now, I currently have three separate lists going- one for work, one for personal, and one for projects for my apartment. Summer is a delicate balance for me to keep busy enough, but allow myself the rest the 10 hour days, some nights, and weekends the school year has exhausted me into. 

For me though, summer is often the Devil's playground. I have a love, hate relationship with it. It's often during this time that I am faced with realities in my life that I try desperately to avoid. During summer, I often fend off bouts of anxiety and depression, which the Devil knows full well is where he can prey. A few weeks of vacation has been perfect, but the extended time- well it often reeks havoc on my spirit. So here we are three weeks in, my usual tipping point, but I find myself incredibly relaxed. I have a few health issues to deal with but my summer is tapered with long weekends and appointments during the week that too much idleness hasn't been a problem as of yet. 

In all this transparency, I must tell you this though, I started out my summer much differently than normal. On mission in Detroit with 25+ teenagers. I had no idea what I was getting into to be honest- I had never been on mission as a leader- just as a member of the team. The transformation of my spirit and the hearts of these students- wow! I was just amazed at what God could accomplish in such a short time. Over the next few entries- I'll be sharing with you those things and I can't wait! 

Identity

We get so wrapped in the things we do, that we miss out on who we are or temporarily lose sight of that. I know I do and sometimes it gets so far away from us that it is so time consuming and frustrating to figure out again that we avoid it and throw ourselves into things that don't matter. It leaves us feeling empty-  incredibly empty. I've always struggled with knowing my identity- my walk with Christ is different that most- everyone's is, but it still doesn't mean that I don't get caught up in comparing my walk with others. I don't have a story that is trans-formative in a moment- my story has happened over time, as Jesus intended, as He knows my spirit responds to.

The thing about it is - is that I don't always know my place because I don't experience God like others do and that consequently makes me feel that I don't know Him. The thing about God is though that He knows how my mind works- how my spirit responds to Him best. It can't be overwhelmed, it just has to be nudged. I would love to say that I want to be like Jesus all day, every day, but the truth is I really don't always want to avoid being involved in a conversation about things that frustrate me and express my frustration or gossip about the latest thing. I would love to say that I am good at forgiving people and willingly do so, I would even love to say that I love to go to church all the time, but the reality is that I don't. I sometimes feel that I am in a stalemate with God- not wanting to change, not letting him change me. I am a curmudgeon a fair amount of the time about life, despite my own redemption and salvation.

The thing about God that is cool though is that He waits. He waits anyways- in our grip ridden, curmudgeon-y states. He sends us gentle reminders of who we really are that get lost in the world that we stay in here on earth. When our eyes are fixed on here (and let's face it- it's mostly fixed on here), we lose our identity. Who we are becomes what we do or what we are to others, but that's not who we are. How humbling that in Psalms it says that our names are engraved on His hands... engraved? Not just sketched or written, but engraved for all eternity. Permanent. Done. Psalms also says that we are knitted together in our mother's womb- not just thrown together, lumped together, but carefully planned and intricately knitted- that takes time- that takes purpose- that takes love. So every day, when we get caught up in our to do lists, chores, jobs, roles- let us remember this. God loves us and has shown us so- even if you don't feel it or see it. He does. That gives peace. That gives life. That gives hope. That gives us a future. That's enough. That's enough on the most curmudgeon-y of days. Despite all of the things that hold me back, I am finally realizing that it's okay to be my beautiful, redeemed, imperfect curmudgeoned self.

Thanks for listening- thanks for reading- thanks for being who God made you- it's beautifully perfect, even when it doesn't feel that way.

Love you all!

Waiting Rooms

It seems as though our life is constantly being waited out in the waiting rooms of life. Out of one waiting room and into the other. I don't know about you but I hate it. I've been in one waiting room for the majority of my adult life to see what God's going to do and most of the time I am okay with it, but I certainly am in a season of restlessness right now. Waiting to see who God has for me to go on this journey with, if there is anyone at all. To be honest it's just frustrating mostly. In those seasons, I tend to avoid God and anything that reminds me of Him. I distract myself with meaningless things. There, I said it. I think if we are honest though, we all get that way too.

The waiting room- though- isn't that what our whole life is about waiting for the eternal glory that awaits us? The waiting rooms we sit here in earth are just spots along the way until we are, as it says in Thessalonians "caught up in the clouds to meet with the Lord in the air... to live with Him Forever." So if you think about it, the smaller waiting rooms here are just hiccups in the much bigger waiting room.

I was reading through my last blog post- two years ago- yikes!- and I see a pattern, but in that post- I was reminded that I was not meant to live this ordinary life- that I am too special for that. We all are though- we are set apart! Recently, though I have forgotten how special I am to Him and how it's okay to be all the things that I am. So in a process of self-discovery- I am getting back to my roots. My writing. It always brings me the solace and peace when I share my heart with others. Christians don't live this perfect life- we are not absent of sin, of  failing- we just know who covers it all and rest in that. For the life of me, I don't want to life outside of that. I struggle though with where I am in my walk but I God keeps reminding me that I am focusing on things that I am not- It's hard not to get wrapped up in that.

So again, in my nearly late thirties, I am discovering myself again and you get a small glimpse of the journey. Lucky you!  I want to be completely transparent with you and say that I will be faithful in taking  you through this journey with me, but life happens. I can only hope to share with you the process along the way.  Until next time....

When God Speaks to Your Heart

Whew... it's been a whirlwind of weddings, meetings, and work the last SEVERAL weeks that I have been seriously slacking on sharing my heart with you guys. You can go ahead and call me a slacker- I'm okay with it. :)

God's been doing a lot of amazing things that I wish I could have a million pages to share with you because even that would not be enough to show the way He's been working center stage and behind the scenes. But in true fashion, God has His perfect timing, I'm not where I want to be yet, but I can definitely see things playing out in way that I had never expected. 

Recently, I've been praying a lot about surrendering and asking God to give me all of Him. I've been telling Him I want more of Him, to know more deeply how He loves me, how special I am to Him, to bring me the challenging stuff, I just want more. Sometimes I feel that we all feel like that we move closer to God then backwards a bit, it's perfectly natural. There's no shame in that, however, sometimes we get to a point where we know that we want more.

For me it's been about not just wanting more of Him, but wanting less of me. To have His truths so deeply planted in my heart that I could hear and know who He is and what He says about me and what He has done for me. 

Last night, I was at Bible Study and we were discussing surrender. One of the questions was, how much do we trust God and have we surrendered ourselves to the story He is writing for us. I really thought I had surrendered myself to the life God was writing for me, about the fact that my story was going to look and be different than what 'normal' was. You know, marriage, family, etc. on a certain time table... but I got really emotional about it. I don't know where it came from, but there I was, crying my ugly cry in front of my sweet small group girls. I really have been content with the way my life is for quite some time, but God was calling something much deeper out of me that I realized I hadn't surrendered. That my sweet spirit was still quite hurt and sad and sort of in mourning for a life that I had planned, but I hadn't let myself be any of those things.

Then in a way I have never really experienced before, God spoke to my spirit about those feelings. In my car, on my way to a job that I was praying to make glorious from mundane, my spirit heard, 

You are too special to live an 'ordinary' life

and in nearly the same breath, 

You don't have to be enough because I am enough

I've always wanted to just be a part of things, not the center of them, but those words spoken so deeply into my heart took such root and gave me such peace about the life I have and that God is writing. I'm not kidding you when I say that I have rarely felt a truth drop into my heart so strongly as I did in that moment (besides when Jesus' Truth dropped into my heart) and believed it so fully. I truly believe that it was because I was willing and open to hear it, surrendering takes all of you and it has to be something you do daily. I am not the best at it, I still am selfish and learning the value of it. 

It is my prayer that you know MORE about the Living God... that if you don't know Him, that you will, when your heart is open and ready to receive it.

The Art of Lent

For so many years, I misunderstood what the actual purpose of Lent was. I did the traditional things that I was taught because I was taught to do them, not entirely because I knew why. It wasn't until I was at least 30 that I had a grasp of why and I'm really still learning. So this blog post is going to be about what I know and believe to be true about the time of Lent.

Entering into a time of prayer, fasting, or whatever you chose to diminish for the time period of 40 days- has to be done with intent and for the right reason. If you choose to give up something it should be something that is truly hindering your walk with Christ. The season of Lent's purpose of fasting and abstinence is meant to draw you closer to the Lord, not just a way to lose a few pounds.

Now, I have given up things like Facebook and Starbucks in the past. If you know me at all, you know I'm a sucker for scrolling down the News Feed that is the time-suck called Facebook or that I can't refuse a Chai Tea Latte. For me, at the time, these things were prevalent enough to me and were distracting me from honoring God with my time and my money.

Now, in the past few years, I've changed my mentality as not one of what I am taking or sacrificing, but adding something that will replace my old worldly habits and turn them into more Christ like habits. This year, to be honest, Lent snuck up on me. I wasn't quite prepared as I have been to choose what habits I would add during this time. To  be honest, I felt like I had been changing my habits and mindset for quite a while, so honing in on one, well, that was tough.

Probably, the greatest thing that I still have a hard time surrendering is my finances. It's hard to not think that about how my dollar is going to last during this lean year. Yet, it has. So, in an attempt to change my view of my finances- I've taken on a attitude of poverty. My focus is simply this: that every time that I wonder or try understand how God is going to provide for me- I remind myself that I have everything that I need. Sure, I'd like that new dress or a new pair of boots- but do I need them? Is having those things going to bring me closer to Christ? I'm not going to lie- it has been difficult, but it is amazing to see what you do have, when you stop focusing on what you don't.

I've also decided to add in a reading of the New Testament during these 46 days and yes, I'm already behind, but I know God honors my efforts and graces me with a new day to begin again.

So, no matter what you have chosen to give up, sacrifice, or add- I pray that it draws you closer to the one who added Himself to this earth to be sacrificed for us all.

Protecting Your Path

Since moving back home last July, I took a break from the church searching- just attending sporadically. God fed me spiritually despite my lack of interest in being spiritually fed. I think that I just spent so much time searching for a place that felt like a church home in Charleston, that my spirit just needed to regroup and refocus on what I really wanted in a church body. After all, I had just completely rip the cord from old life and stepped into a new one. To say that I was overwhelmed, well, that was an understatement. 

Last September/October, I began to feel my way back into the church body, by joining a small group of ladies that in which one of my best friends was a part. Re-ignition was taking place, but I still attended church out of when I felt I needed to go, rather than making it a priority. 

In January, I decided to make a commitment to attend church on a regular basis. My parents attended church in Suwanee that I began joining them at, along with my brother. While I wasn't sure that I wanted to call this place home just yet, I enjoyed going and reconnecting with my roots. 

Attending church with your parents, it is much different as an adult than when you are a child, but as an adult you notice things about your parents and their faith that you may have never noticed. For example, the value of commitment, hard-work, service, investing in your church and its future, and developing relationships, among others. It is these simple things that are at the cornerstone of belief in Christ as our Creator. It is from the belief in Him and sharing Him that all of these things come to fruition.

It used to be that I would think, oh, I wish I had had more boyfriends or I had experienced things that other people experienced. I used to think I was missing out. Lately, I have come to realize that all of these things were kept from me in the light of the protection God has evidently placed on my life. I may experience life in a different way because God knows what I can handle. He is my Protector. So now, when I hear about people experiencing things both good and bad that I haven't, I am completely at peace in the knowledge that my Protector knows better than me about what is right for me. Some people know there path from an early age and others God reveals later and at a more leisurely pace that we can handle. I don't know my path, but I'm certain my Protector has paved a way for me to get there, if I just let Him do it. 

"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace."- Acts 20:24

Today,  the pastor was discussing the "Seven Highly Effective Habits of Christians" in Acts Chapter 20, in relation to Paul's final journey to spread the gospel.  One that we must know is that we are all ministers of the Gospel, no one is greater than the last, as well as the fact is our job to choose to grow in faith and minister to the groups God has called us to minister. If you have children, nieces/nephews, younger siblings, coach a team, or whatever other group you might lead, the Holy Spirit has called us to lead and minister to them. I feel honored to have a new group of people that God has called me into ministry for- my new sisters in my small group. I can only trust that as I choose to keep watch of my faith, that He will equip me to minister to them, as they will to me. 

"Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God, which he bought with his own blood"- Acts 20:28

Simplicity and Authenticity

If you have been a Christian as long as I have, you long for the simplicity of faith that once accompanied your childhood church days. Where there weren't questions that couldn't be answered with a simple, "pray about it", or  "God loves you" and there weren't big words like sanctification that we had to understand. Faith, belief, and the love of God weren't something that you couldn't understand, they just were a part of who God was and who you were. 

As you get older you realize that most adults, just need to have the mind of a faithful child. Albeit simple, the truest form of authenticity. Where we aren't afraid to ask big questions or try new things or grow or do anything that might require a new level of being that we just needed to understand. The more I realize the deeper relationship that I want have or achieve is really just about going back to basics. It's about rediscovering your roots, recognizing your flaws or insecurities, and embracing them. Reconnecting with the simplest truth and embracing the deepest part of faith and that is in loving others as Christ did for us. 

I often wonder what would happen if we just loved each other, flaws and all. Loved people we didn't like until we actually might like them. How would the world change? I think we can fundamentally change the world that way. Then all the world will know the Christ that we do, we would be the compasses directing people to Him. All the words and concepts that come along with being a true believer would then fall into place: we would forgive easily- because we love the people who have hurt us. We would extend grace- because we love the people who are different from us. We would be sanctified with the saints- because we loved people enough to show them the only way to him. Favor would rest on our shoulder- because we loved others because He first loved us. Truth would be spoken- because even though we might not agree, we still love others enough to speak over the lies that they have been told. Think about how the walls would come down- doors would be opened, if we just get past a stigma of legalism that has tainted the church for centuries. 

My faith journey started before I was born- in a rejoicing mother's heart as she shared with other children about miracles. It was grown in the church, rooted in love and a deep seeded loyalty to care about those around me. 

Today, I see the great evidence of His hand on my journey- my journey to try to understand a God who just loves me. Loves me enough to pursue me, loves me enough to die for me when He didn't have to. I am thankful that I have always known Him in some form, though I didn't always understand what having a relationship meant- how to actually do it. I've search for redemption in the waters of (multiple baptisms), as if believing in that act alone would make me know Him more, but all the time not understanding that I already knew Him. In His infinite love for me, He dropped His Confident truth into my life last summer, right when I needed Him too. So, when I was twelve years old, I committed my life to Him in a Confirmation Ceremony. All those consequent baptisms, confirming that choice. Satan tried to convince me that I wasn't really saved all those years, but in my quiet times with God He's made me know that His had has always guided me and that simple faith still exists inside.

This all to say, when life gets complicated or you become overwhelmed with the task of being a Christ follower- just remember LOVE. It's at the core of everything. Once that is rooted in our hearts, as simple as it sounds, it overflows to those around us. Change abounds if our hearts know love and share it as freely as we are given it. 

1st John 4:7-8

Apologies and Peace

First off, I would like to apologize to all of you who are reading this. I have gotten off track with my changed purposeful activities that I made public to you, one of which is two days of blogging a week. One devoted to God's purposes and general items that are going on in the world around me, as well as another chapter about my Grandfather. There are no really good excuses, as I have been at work about as much as I've been working from home the past few weeks. So, I ask your forgiveness and start again.

Sometimes I get so caught up in what I have to do to stay afloat, that I forget about the other purposes God has for me and how to spend time getting to know Him more. I have never been diligent about spending time with Him, so much so, that I often wonder how much closer I could be to Him if I had just devoted the time HE deserved. Then I remember that God always has a way of making His will happen despite our reluctance and lack of due diligence.

We spend our time in relentless state of trying to make things balance, that ultimately things fall off that we don't ever intend to have do so. These things we all try to balance: family, relationships, friends, work, church, service, etc are all critical components of God's purposes in our lives with Him at the head of them of course.

I often get caught up in the big picture, what I need to do to make things happen in my life. It's so hard to take the "I" out of that sentence. The details are often superfluous to me as I work my way to the big picture- there's that "I" again. While I often work in generalities and grandious-ness, God is working in the details, as I have seen evidenced in my life.

Now, I know I speak often of enjoying the journey, well, it gets harder the longer the journey is and the less you know what steps to take. All we can do is lean in, lean in to God. The peace that comes with that, well, it makes the journey a little more bearable. It makes our "trust with out borders", as my favorite Hillsong United song says, the cornerstone of what God is doing in our lives. Doing it day to day, in the details, I only hope that my attempt to do that are evidenced in my words and actions that I share with you. My prayers is that you all know the peace of trusting without borders, which I finally understand, but have to consistently work at doing.

Look for another post next week in my other blog, the one for my grandfather. As always, I am humbled that you chose to read along this journey. If you can be in prayer for each day being a day to have the strength and resolve to trust without borders, it would be greatly appreciated.

Ignorance Isn't Always Bliss

Finally, I've returned to place where my heart finds rest- the pages where I can create and share. Thank you for waiting for me here. I've been sick and have just gotten back my full strength.

I find that I'm exceptional at ignoring direction, ignoring God. The difference between not knowing what you should be doing and knowing and not doing it is astounding. Especially when it comes to God. I find myself knowing that the key to drawing closer to God is spending time in the Word and in Prayer, yet, I'm often passing over spending that critical time in light of sleep or time or whatever. You probably say, if He's your priority, then you make it a priority. To that end I consider myself an epic fail. I don't always may Him a priority- I speak grandiose ideas of who God is and then put a limit on drawing closer to Him. I find myself often wondering where I would be if I didn't put these limits on myself, limits on God. It's like an endless cycle and like so many other things in my life it seems it never changes. 

Then I catch glimpses of small changes- evidence that God has taken me to a new place, understanding. I see the infinite wisdom that flows from His Spirit within me. I realize that all along- the things that I see as faults, weakness, God is using and transforming me. All those broken dreams, plans, promises, ideas- procrastination, ignorance- there is grace and a love that never fails us, no matter how we try, we can never fall out of that. So in not knowing the stuff we're not supposed to know yet- Ignorance is bliss, getting to the Bliss leaves us right where we're supposed to be.

Victorious Living

What does it look like to live victoriously? Last week, I told a story of a clear picture of how deciding to live victoriously can play out. But how do you continue to live victoriously?

Last week, a new task was put in my path, and my natural instinct was the "fight" or "flight" mentality- how I could possibly get out of this? You see one of the devils greatest tools on me is my ability to bully myself- masking itself as cowardice- that plus the deep seeded fear of failure, lack of confidence- well, it can paralyze this girl. I've spent the last few days procrastinating the preparation for this project. When finally, I had a great epiphany.

What happened to my Victory?

My knees had been knocked out from under me, the ulcers that I will no doubt have as a result of my obsessive worrying and fear- Victory- I lost it. It can happen that fast.

Victory is something I have to chose- daily, moment, by moment. Jesus has already won the Victory- I am Victorious! It is such a powerful statement when you believe it in your core. Eventually, I pray that it will become my constant truth, as it will become yours.

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”- John 16:33

"Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand." - Isaiah 41:10

The Guiding Hand of God

The Guiding Hand of God. That's a phrase I've heard often, but loosely understood and knew to be true in my own life. That was until yesterday.

Now, let me preface this entry with a little back story. I've been blessed by an amazing group of women whom have welcomed me into their small group. We are currently studying the story of Gideon, using Priscilla Shrier's study. We have been alternating talking about the weekly work and watching the videos. This past week's video was about approaching the battle, where she talked about the steps Gideon took as a model to how to face our own battles. There were seven steps, but one the Holy Spirit highlighted to me was to take a "Stance of Victory" when you are facing a battle. We are already victorious- but often enough we don't stand in the knowledge of Victory when facing a battle.

Later that night, as I lay in bed- I prayed probably the most honest and heartfelt prayer that I had in a long time about my next job and standing in Victory that He is already Victorious in the plan for this next step.

Yesterday morning, I had the privilege to substitute at a school near my home that one of my dear friends and sorority sisters works at as a math teacher. I went to the office and they told me that the teacher I was subbing for wouldn't be needing me until 1, so I could go to the library to help out. Easy enough, I thought.
When I went in and started talking to the Media Center Staff, then I told them I was a Media Specialist too. Well, then the Media Specialist took me under her wing. We had a long conversation about the ins and outs of librarianship, toured the library, and got the down low on how everything worked at her school.  It was so nice to talk to someone to understood the trials and tribulations of being a Media Specialist in this day and age.

At the end of the day, she told me that we needed to get my name out there to the other Media Specialists. She added me to her "love" column on the substitute site, plus emailed all the Media Specialist in Gwinnett County to let them know about me! Before school let out on Friday, I had phone number request and even a call to substitute from another school. Words could not express my gratitude.

The thing is I felt God's hand on the day like I never had before. He made me totally aware of His presence and that this was a step in standing in Victory. I don't know what the future holds, but I know He's already Victorious, therefore, I am Victorious. Joy is not words enough to describe it.

Transforming the Ways of Life and Other A Sundry Details...

At the beginning of this year, I set forth to change the way that I do the things to accomplish my goals- instead of just focusing on the goals themselves. I'm narrowing in on journey- instead of the end result. I'm often too ambitious in setting goals- ergo, I set myself up for tremendous failure. 

If any of your know me well, you know that failure is the at the cornerstone of where Satan tries to work his lies into my life. He says things like, "If you had done this, you would have this" or  "You didn't do this, so that's why things are this way", etc. You get the picture. He also knows that once he gets started with me on these, it's very easy to derail me. From failure it draws to comparison of others, what I should have at this point in my life or what I should have accomplished thus far. He points out the things I'm not doing way too often. I become overwhelmed with all I should be doing and shutdown. If I'm being completely real, I fall prey to these lies and this trap more often than I would like to admit and boy, does that taint my view of how God sees me.

So, I'm done making promises to myself, trying to plan out how things should be, and what goals I need to meet. That's not what motivates me. Does that mean I won't make promises to myself or try to plan things out? Absolutely not, old habits die hard, but I'm going to make every effort to embrace the way God created me. To love all the quirks, even the "failures" that other see, and be content in my Creator and where He has me. 

This is where I need your help though, My love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. So if you sense I might need some encouragement, please encourage me. If you see me and think I need a hug- give me a hug. In this virtual age that we are living in, we need to do life together "virtually" too. In the same way, I am an encourager, so I hope that I can encourage you along this journey of life as well, reminding you that you are beautifully and wonderfully made- created with His loving-kindness. 

You can also keep me accountable with my overzealous list of activities that I'm implementing to put me on a path of realizing my goals. So here they are:

• Mondays and Wednesdays, I will write for half an hour in a blog or article.
• I will put money in my 360 Account for Tithe, Savings, Trips, Mad Money every paycheck.
• I will apply to one job a week.
• I will run on two weekdays and Sat/Sun- alternating 2 and 3.5+ runs.
• Once a month, I will volunteer in an organization of choice.
• Three days a week, I will spend time before work in the Word- Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.

Also, shout out to my newest niece Addie Grace and her proud parents, Brent and Kat, and big brother Will! God is Good All the Time Indeed!

Lastly, several years ago, I sat down with my grandfather to write His memoirs. Sadly, I have not put the time I would like into his story, so I'm going to open another blog- Wednesday to share pieces of His story. It is definitely one the world needs to hear, so I hope you'll follow that one as well. 

Thank you for reading and supporting me. You will never know how grateful I am that you take time out of your busy schedule to read my ramblings. 

Gratefulness in Spirit

So, 2013. Wow! It's been amazing, wonderful journey. A crazy, wild ride for sure- but one, that I wouldn't take back. I've the learned the joy of friendship and family, the faithfulness of God, and humility of spirit. Taking every day as it comes and rejoicing in my blessings. God's purpose still isn't clear, but I'm hopeful. More hopeful than ever that the steps that were made this year- the path that was taken will be instrumental in the year ahead.

Thank you to all of you who loved and supported me, prayed for me and listened to me- even read my illustrious blog. I am humbled beyond measure- I only hope that I can and have done the same for you.

Gratefulness fills my spirit as 2013 is in my rear view and 2014 takes it's place on the road ahead. May this next year be as hopeful and as prosperous as ever for you and yours- may God's blessings abound!  Love to you all!

Hard Work and Free Time

Did you miss me? I know it's been forever since I last posted. The last few months since I started my data entry position have been a whirlwind and uber busy. I knew that this time would be one of hard work and that it has been. It has left me very little time to write, which I have desperately missed.

Since beginning this last job, I have also started working as a substitute teacher two days a week. These two jobs have taken all the energy out of me- for the first time in my working career, I'm not a salaried employee. So that means, if I don't work, I don't get paid. I don't have the usual time off for the Holidays and wow, both of those things have brought me to a place of extreme humility and gratefulness. Just as God intended.

I am blessed beyond measure- that I know for sure. Every time I get discouraged- I try to remember His Faithfulness- when I do- it often brings me to tears. I have a small group that I love, old friends and family that I have reconnected with- plus the numerous time He has provided for me financially over the last few months. Although, I haven't found a new church home, I know that something that awaits in 2014, plus a renewed search for the job/purpose God has brought me home for.

In 2014, my focus will be outward- towards serving my community, family, and friends. To share in my own way, the great things He has done for me. Many blessings for you in the New Year- Praying for All God's Goodness to Shine Down on You!-

Grace and Faithfulness

It's funny how we go through phases. Phases where every moment is a realization of God's infinite grace for us, then others where we don't spend as much time as we should drawing into God. Even in those times, His grace is evident. 

Grace. If you are a believer, you know that grace is an intricate part of His character and it is the reason you were able to come to believe. But how many of us really knows what it means to experience grace as an extension of that initial act of the cross that Christ took on for us? Isn't that just what grace is though? That single act? Everything we are and do are extensions of that first act of grace. It has nothing to do with our behavior or bargaining skills. 

To be honest with you, this week, I haven't been in the Word as much as I should have been. Then again, though, that is a behavior that I put on myself. Yes,  God wants to spend time with me and wants me to draw near to Him, but my faith in Him is not dependent on that. And yet, despite all of the behaviors that I didn't do that I put in my box of behaviors of a 'good Christian', His grace and my favorite thing about God appeared: His faithfulness. 

Just when the money was about to run out, the worry was mildly creeping into my spirit, He provided me with a job. With a prospect of two actually, but one definite. How great is that?!
The job I begin on Monday is at a Distribution Company for various international products. I will be utilizing my online and writing skills to begin work on their various websites to update and improve product descriptions. It's different, yes, but it encompasses so many things that I love and that I do well. The job may be temporary or long term, but that is for God to determine, because I kind of like when He does the unexpected! 

Then on Friday, I got a call from a local university about an on-call position at their library for nights and weekends. I hope to hear from them next week for an interview. 

God did all this without me. He doesn't need me, but by grace He has chosen me to step into a new path. Thank you all for your prayers and keep them coming as continue to transition to being at home, finding a church, and beginning this new path. You all are amazing. 

The Moments in Between

It's been a while, huh?! Well, I guess it seems like much longer than I guess it has been. Where to begin?

This past week and weekend has reminded me of just how very faithful God is to all of us who trust and believe in this faithfulness. I was able to finally rent out my house, which was a huge blessing for me this month with my savings nearly depleted and no interviews as of yet. Many times throughout these last few months I have wondered where the money will come for various things, but I never doubted that it would be rented. I had peace about that among the other chaos that my life is currently in. Which was a tremendous blessing!

Despite the weeks upon end of specific cover letter writing, resume crafting, application completion, certificate purchasing (and finally completing- I am now Certified Media Specialist in Georgia!), networking events, and every other thing you can imagine regarding job searching circa 2013, I am starting to understand this part of the journey. I am developing confidence in myself, awareness of my abilities, and my presence. My passion to serve has come alive and I have become far less selfish with my time. Volunteering has been an integral part of my weekly schedule and I look forward to it. I have become intrigued with the past and delving into my family history has become so exciting. God is teaching me to enjoy the moments in this journey. 

Today, though, another reminder of God's love for my family and I, is evident in a precious little baby girl who turned one today. My sister is the amazing mother that I always knew she would be and Julia Sue, well, you all know that I am smitten with her (along with the rest of my family). She has changed our lives in amazing ways and through this past year she is evidence of God's faithfulness to those who love Him. 

So, this is me still resting, waiting, and even more hopeful because doors I can't see are getting ready to open. Opportunities are waiting for me behind them and I am enjoying getting there. These are the promises of those who wait on Him. 

Thank Me, Pilgrim!

I've noticed something about myself, perhaps something that I have known all along, but never really dealt with how to release myself from it. It's the need for busy-ness. I feel that I can only feel accomplished in a day if the task on my do list are ticked off and I've been "doing stuff", especially when there is this worldly pressure that I should be doing way more than I am.

Every day, I wake up and think: now, what will I accomplish today. Into my sixth week of unemployment with the daily applications, several times a week networking, and still nothing, I wonder how anyone can be content with this road. Yet, despite the enormous amount of pressure I feel from those around me and most importantly me (believe me I am the worst), I hear God whispering rest. Take each day and the things I put on your heart and do them. At night before you sleep, even if you don't have a job yet, reflect on the things that you have done, big and small and be thankful.

Thank Me that I am teaching you to trust me in every moment.
Thank Me that you are seeing how very present I am.
Thank Me for being the one who fulfills every moment and ordains everything in the perfect time.
Thank Me for allowing you the courage to take this risk. Thank me for rising you out of the ordinary.
Thank Me for growing you even when you don't realize it and don't see it.
Thank Me for preparing you for a future much different than you imagined.
Thank Me for allowing your gifts to surface and your passion ignite.
Thank Me for things happening today, just as I intended.

My sweet friend sent me a message this morning- a quote from Brennan Manning that was right on target:

 

"The reality of naked trust is the life of the pilgrim who leaves what is nailed down, obvious, and secure, and walks into the unknown without any rational explanation to justify the decision or guarantee the future. Why? Because God has signaled the movement and offered it his presence and his promise.”

 

God has signaled me into this movement and phase, maybe He's signaling you and you don't even realize it. So often God speaks to us in a small voice that we can only recognize as His because it is contrary to what everything around us is saying. So, lay your head down tonight and say thank you, thank you for anything so that your spirit can be one that acknowledges that it is He who is the Center. We're not going to be perfect at it, but there is grace in that.

 

Blessings on you all.

 

 

Permission to Rest

A wise friend of mine told me today, that it was okay to slack off for a day. That was exactly what I needed to hear since I was feeling especially unaccomplished today. 

I have made it a goal to apply for or to do at least one thing job related a day. If you have been looking for a job at all lately, you realize that applying for one job a day is a task in of itself. Monday and Tuesday, amidst applying for other jobs, I worked on a resume for non-profit work- a specific job that I felt sure that I had an edge on. Only come to find out they are not hiring for the position right now. Well, mark that off my list for now...

Yesterday, I attended a job fair. Those of you that know me, know that talking to people that I don't know, in uncomfortable surroundings, well, makes me a little anxious. It seems as though, these days, you have to go and meet people to get even a foot in the door. So I went, with many of your prayers, which were greatly appreciated, and exceeded my goal of meeting with more than five vendors. I followed up on some leads and applied for a few more temporary positions yesterday afternoon and evening, then one this morning. 

Writing this all down, it is good, it makes me realize I actually have done something today, this week. So even when it seems like the pickings are slim for work to be done, give yourself permission to rest. The rest times make the horizon ahead seem more bearable, this mile of life's journey filled with possibility. It makes you realize that something good is coming. The good things God is preparing you for in the mean time. 

Possibilities and Positivity

The Honeymoon is over. 

The thrill of moving and getting settled in a new routine, well I'm over it. I'm over the unscheduled days and my empty wallet. It's easy to be open to possibility and be positive- Initially. But what about over the long haul? 

I am realizing the greater need for my time in the Word and in prayer. It has become an essential part of my sanity. In a time when uncertainty is in every second, the Lord provides peace. There becomes less worry- of which I am known for. In every second, I sit and write and read, a peace essentially laid upon me. I am in my zone. This is a constant practice though, not one that my earthly spirit is akin to and its a second by second battle. 

Today, I read my Joyce Meyer devotional and it focused on our need to carry burdens or to do lots of "work". The verse was from Numbers and God is speaking to Moses about letting Him share the burden:

" I will come down and speak with you there, and I will take some of the Power of the Spirit that is on You and out it on them. They will share the burden of the people with you so that  you will not carry it alone." -Numbers 11:17

God can carry our burdens, but we have to release them to Him. That for me is the very struggle that God is taking me through. So, since my head knowledge became heart knowledge, His truth is taking root. The truth about appreciating the person God made me to be and the grace to make mistakes. 

On the job front, lots of doors opening to possibilities. Please pray for peace in each step and the Will of God to become evident to me. Thank you for sharing in my journey. 

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Aside:

I might just turn into a blogging queen. Well, maybe not queen, but princess status for sure. During a relaxing weekend in the mountains, my brother and I came up with an idea for another blog about hiking. Now, I, being the writer and a fairly novice outdoorsman  wanted to funnel my brother's extensive hiking knowledge and passion into a service of some kind for other hikers. 

Like I said, I am not the outdoorsman that I would like to be, but my brother and I enjoy exploring the North Georgia Mountains together when we can. When I suggested the blog, he instantly became excited about it. We spent the better part of our Saturday hike on Big Cedar Mountain discussing titles and names, as well as discussing what we would include on it. 

Now, I won't abandon my current blog, but I am excited about my new endeavor with my brother. Stay tuned for information about that. Well, that being said I guess I better get my hiking shoes on!