Joy in the Fullest Form

Today was what most people would call ordinary, but as I look back on it there is one thing that stands out- joy- even living in an in-between time- there is joy. I was able to see the joy of my mom as I accompanied her on her Meals on Wheels route. There was joy as we walked and ate lunch together. There was joy in our frustration of how we saw someone being treated. There was joy as we talked to my niece or rather the ceiling via Skype. There was joy in our game of sequence and our cup of tea. There was joy as I took my time preparing resumes.  Joy was abounding in the moments of our lives.

Currently, I am reading "One Thousand Gifts: a word to live... and to die by", by Ann Voskamp during my quiet times with the Lord. Although our lives are vastly different, I find myself thinking, what good friends we might be. The beginning of the book paints a picture of monotony, failure, and all other forms of negativity, but then we delve deeper into a question we all struggle with: How do we fully live as we are fully prepared to die?

Several things struck me as I grazed over the pages of Chapter Two:

"...----- who is born again, but still so much in need of being born anew----give me the details of how to live in the waiting cocoon before forever begins?"

" The holy grail of joy is not in some exotic location or some emotional mountain peak experience. The joy wonder could be here! Here, in the messy, piercing ache of now, joy might be--- unbelievably possible! the only place we need see before we die is this place of seeing God, here and now."

I mean, WOW! Who among us has lost touch with joy that was with us at the acceptance of Christ? Who just longs to be renewed in that joy?  If any of you know my story of coming to know Christ, you know that the acceptance came long before the understanding and still longer before knowing the joy of Christ.

So what if the joy is here and now? How do we see it and experience this joy? How do we reunite with it? This journey I am on will surely bring me bits of frustration, anger, and bitterness, but yet still...

You know that old saying that "there's joy in the journey", well I aim to find it. So many of us wait expectantly for joy to come into our lives as if it is something that can only be temporary. I don't believe that's true- even in the midst of mistakes and uncertainty- there is joy. There is joy because Christ is our Joy and He is always with us.

Complete Thankfulness

My mind is swimming with the things that I am learning and screaming about today.  My first screaming moment came from the bureaucracy of job searching. I mean, how many hurdles do you have to go through! The phrase that I muttered under my breath was that this was like an "act of congress" came up more than one time today. My biggest question is: How do you get in the door? You may think you have all your proverbial ducks in a row, but with every application it becomes more tedious. The hours you spend with your neck in literal pain, well they have to pay off somehow, right?

It's hard not to overwhelm with yourself (especially if you are me) with the logical and persistent need to be at your computer searching for jobs AT ALL TIMES. Enjoying and resting in this in between time will soon come to an end, so it's okay to take breaks to get ice cream with your mom or make cookies for your dad.

Then I got to thinking, what if we would make an honest effort in thankfulness? Even in the moments when we are frustrated, we see what is good, beautiful, and perfect, how will that change our trust of God. I've learned that when we trust God with our lives, (some of us are a harder sell), it takes us longer to completely give ourselves over to trusting Him with everything. Posturing a position of total thankfulness in the midst of our most difficult times is not always easy, but it's amazing to see the walls of distrust fall down.

So praise report: I have an appointment on Wednesday to discuss the opportunities available in the non-profit sector. It's a bit of a different direction that I have been on, but I would be remiss not to learn more about this arena of work. In the interim, tutoring is on the table as well, as I flush out all available opportunities. Pray for wisdom and guidance in pursuing these next steps!

Realist vs. Optimist

If you know me personally, you may know that I tend to be a realist. I view things in ways that can be the only logical way to view things. In this realistic point of view, there also tends to be another snafu, which is that I am a female.  These two faction of my personalities are in constant conflict.

I say:
"That's just the way it is. There's no changing that."

Add in my female perspective:
"How can I fix this problem even though it seems un-fixable and probably won't get fixed, but I still have to try?"

All that being said, God can change any realist heart into the heart of optimism, if that person is willing. What seems like a really stupid thing to do and seems logically wrong, God can use to change a person's heart. It might be crazy to quit your job, move back in with your parents (while some would find that shameful, I do not), all without any idea when or where your next income will come. That's what a realist would say- that's what I would say.

Then there is the change that is happening with me- a new boldness- that's what I see this is. It is having the courage to follow God's lead, to fall in behind Him, to let Him take the lead to journey He has called me to in this life. It is in this boldness- I am turning into a peaceful optimist. One who takes the day as it comes- that sees the opportunities abound- one that despite any negative thing that comes their way as an opportunity to try again.

You can't change the way you view the world on your own- no of us can. It is only by grace and a little bit of faith that we can change the way we see the life around us- just one step at a time.

The First Step

So, last week I made a bold decision to leave my job and move home to pursue a new career closer to my family. After a fury of emotions and goodbyes, I am settling in back at home with my parents. I knew that this experience would be a different one, much different than I thought before.

Many people would deem this decision a silly one or even a nerve-wracking one and I'm not going to lie and say I thought that to myself a few times, but the overlying factor is this: I wanted to be bolder and take bigger risk all to follow God's heart.

The pressure is on to rent my house out and find a new job, yet God calls us to enjoy this part of the journey. These parts of the journey call us to draw closer to Him, to depend on Him more. So this blog is going to follow the ups and downs of this journey- long or short- Thank you for tuning in- I know it will one that God will not disappoint in.